June 23

149 FIFM – Save Frustration by Asking for What You Want

For generations, alcoholism has plagued my family — from my grandfather to both my parents. And then, it has seeped into my life as well. In this episode, I share with you how I took back control and put an end to my struggle with alcoholism. If you want the same thing for yourself, please bear in mind that this is not the cure-all for alcoholism.

What worked for one person may not necessarily work for everybody else. Nonetheless, I am hoping that what I share today frees you from some of your frustration and anxiety.

Overview & Episode Content

  • The Struggle That Plagued Dean’s Family for Generations
  • Free Yourself by Simply Saying What You Really Want
  • There is Danger in Saying Yes to Things You Don’t Want
  • Do Only the Things That You Want
  • Being Honest About What You Want is Less Work
  • You Find Freedom in Simply Being Honest

The Struggle That Plagued Dean’s Family for Generations

The Struggle That Plagued Dean’s Family for Generations

My parents and grandfather were all alcoholics. With my grandfather, there was never a moment where he was not drinking.

Growing up, I have always seen my grandfather in his den, watching television with a beer in hand. He spent most of the days like that and never really talked to anybody.

I love my grandpa. He was awesome and we had a bit of connection even though he did not really talk much.

And I am not exaggerating when I say that he would come home from work and sit in his den with a beer in hand until it was time for bed. That was about it. Very rarely did we talk or do anything together until I was older.

For whatever reason, I wanted to connect with him during my teenage years. I would go to his den and say, “Hi.” 

We still rarely talked but I would be with him in the same room. That alone was something I really cherished.

Later on, we even went out for breakfast — although it only happened twice. And those two breakfasts took many days of sitting there with him in his den.

One thing I remember about him before he became too old was that every Sunday, he would make breakfast. Eggs, bacon, toast, huge potatoes — it was awesome — just a man’s breakfast every Sunday without fail. It was definitely something I looked forward to every weekend.

To be honest, I’m not really sure how much of a struggle it was for my grandmother when my grandfather would just sit in his den with his beer all day.

One thing is for sure, it was passed down to my mother who also struggled with alcoholism and my father who struggled as well.

Free Yourself by Simply Saying What You Really Want

Free Yourself by Simply Saying What You Really Want

They definitely struggled with it. As far as I can remember, it had been a horrible situation with my parents.

But then, it actually trickled down to me! At first, it was not that big of a deal — just drinking every now and then as young people do.

Eventually, when I got back from Operation Iraqi Freedom, it actually became a problem to the point where I needed some serious help. And it still creeps up into my life sometimes but one of the things that really changed the game for me was by simply telling people exactly what I want.

Now, take note that this will not be the same for everybody. I am not going to say that this is the cure-all because who knows? But because I started to be very honest and open about the things I want, I have not had a really bad and huge incident in quite a long time.

One of the reasons why I was struggling with alcoholism so much is that I really had a hard time telling my wife and kids what I wanted through my actions.

So I would go around lying, hiding, making excuses, and saying I wanted one thing when I really wanted to do another.

There is Danger in Saying Yes to Things You Don’t Want

There is Danger in Saying Yes to Things You Don’t Want

There is always a cause and effect. With everything that you do, there is a cause and effect. As soon as you start saying, “Yes I want to do that thing,” but you are doing it for somebody else’s purpose even though that is not really your style, then you might end up regretting ever making that commitment.

For example, if I think my wife wants me to see something and I truly do not want to but I agree to it anyway — yes, it might placate our relationship in the beginning. But over time, it is going to eat away at our relationship.

Saying yes to something I do not like will not be good in the long run because I do not like being forced to do something I do not want.

This is true in business as well because I see some of my friends doing one thing and I scream, “Yes I need to do exactly what you are doing!”

And then, I start doing it. But later on, I realize how much it sucks because that is not who I am after all. This is exactly the same thing with marketing and blog posts. I really do not enjoy being the face of something and I do not enjoy being the marketer.

So, the more I agree with what everybody else wants me to become, the more it becomes something that I truly hate.

Say yes only to things that make you happy.

Do Only the Things That You Want

Do Only the Things That You Want

What was happening to me as I would enjoy a glass of wine? And mind you, not all the time. I enjoy the effects of wine once in a while. 

At this point, if I have a glass of wine while working on the cat house, that is nice! I enjoy that. It allows me to loosen up.

The thing I struggle with is when I cannot focus on doing one thing. I have tried prayer and meditation — it helps a bit, for sure. But sometimes I just want to focus on one thing and not care about anything else.

Sure, the cat house may not be very important but the building project is a learning experience for me and that is what makes it important.

While I am building and think about business and a million other things, the experience is no longer fun. Why would I be doing something I do not enjoy?

Sometimes, I also enjoy a glass of wine to help me relax because I am constantly thinking about so many things at the same time. For so long, I had a problem communicating that.

I would sneak alcohol or tell my wife I would go to the market and suddenly, I have a bottle of wine.

She would say, “Why’d you go to the market for milk but have wine as well?”

It became a dishonest way of getting what I wanted. It was only two years ago when I started to state what I want.

Yesterday, I said, “Hey, I’m going to grab some wine and work on my cathouse and enjoy it.”

My wife had no problem with it. “Okay go have fun,” she said.

It was a huge difference! I simply did what I really wanted to do.

Being Honest About What You Want is Less Work

Being Honest About What You Want is Less Work

You have to keep in mind that this is not the cure-all for anyone struggling with alcoholism. It is different for each person. Just telling people what you want may not work for everybody.

But if you are honest with how you are feeling, with what you are thinking, and with what you want, then it stops the frustration and anxiety of trying to hide things from other people or even from yourself.

Just think about it. The more truthful and honest you are, then the less work it is for you. It is honestly a Freedom In five Minutes thing!

The faster you are just being honest, then the faster you will not have to worry about certain things. You are freed from having to worry and that is such a huge thing! Now, you do not need to worry about what everybody thinks and feels about you.

You end up working so much harder and doing stupid things when you try to be sneaky and dishonest about what you really want.

Trust me, I know from experience. You have to be honest with everybody around you from friends, to family, to clients. It is less work and frees you from the worry and anxiety.

You Find Freedom in Simply Being Honest

You Find Freedom in Simply Being Honest

I remember one prospect who asked me and my partner if we have ever had anyone canceling our service.

“Who was not happy with your service?” he asked.

We said, “Yeah, of course.”

And the guy flipped out, “Wait, what? Why would you say that? I am using this for one of my clients and why would you tell me that? Why would you say that?”

And we told him, “Well, it’s the truth. We cannot lie to you. Some people are simply not good fits for what we do and a lot of the time, it’s not because of us. It’s just, there are people who do not want to follow the system. But we’re not going to lie to you. Why would we ever lie?”

Look how much less work being honest is, all I had to say was, “Of course we had people cancel.”

And that was it — the truth and nothing more. Although, they might ask you why but the answer is very easy.

It is a cool selling proposition as well, in my opinion. In our case, the people who did not follow the system did not see success with our VSAs.

On the flip side, if I had lied. Then, I had to see if that prospect was connected with anyone who canceled. After that, I would have to see if anyone was talking smack on us online and if there was, then I have to tell the prospect to avoid that website.

You would be covering your tracks! There are tons of things involved that you need to take care of when you are not honest.

Just say it like it is. It is freeing if you are honest with yourself, with your family, with your clients.


Why is this important?

The faster you tell the truth — what you truly want — then the less worry and stress that you have. So, what are you stressing about right now?

A lot of the time, it just stems from not being truthful about what you want or what you need. So today, I challenge you to tell the truth and say what you really want.

What could be the worst that could happen? Someone just says “No.” or “I don’t like that.” And that is okay! At least now, you have that back and forth and not a mere projection of what other people might think.

Resources and Links

This is Dean Soto, founder of Freedom In Five Minutes. If you want to off-load and systematize your business in as little as five minutes a day, head over to FreedomInFiveMinutes.com.

If you want a Virtual Systems Architect, go to ProSulum.com.

Also, if you are not yet subscribed to the podcast, search for Freedom In Five Minutes in Google and you will see me on all major podcasting platforms like Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, and Spotify.

Go do that, subscribe to get the latest episode, and I will catch you in the next Freedom In Minutes Podcast Episode.

Check out this episode!


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