Welcome to Episode 191 of Freedom In Five Minutes! This is Dean Soto, founder of FreedomInFiveMinutes.com and ProSulum.com. In this episode, we are talking about the importance of accepting people where they are so you can grow more powerful.
But what exactly does it mean to be powerful? It is the ability to take action — to do something. I am sharing some personal stories and lessons in this episode so please join me and I hope you can find some valuable lessons from this episode as well.
Overview & Episode Content
- Growing as an Introvert
- Finding Ways to Recharge Away from People
- People Grow Different Strengths and Weaknesses
- Differences Between People can Help You Grow More Powerful
- Leverage Individual Strengths to Cover Each Others’ Weakness
- Grow More Powerful by Working Together
- Help People Grow by Nurturing Their Strengths
Growing as an Introvert
We had a death in the family recently.
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That family member was my wife’s grandfather and he was really near and dear to us. We fondly called him Ito. That is short for abuelito — grandfather. And he was one of the few people that my wife and I hold in high regard. Although Ito has lived an amazing life, death is never easy. We all go through death differently.
The story I am about to share involves one valuable lesson Ito has taught me and my wife. But the story begins way back from this moment.
My wife and I used to fight and argue all the time because I would do things in certain situations that she did not like. For those who do not know, I am married to a very energetic person who loves to go to family events and gatherings. She simply loves being around people and making connections. This gives her so much energy!
On the other hand, I might seem like an extrovert — especially since I am pretty gorgeous on camera — but I am not. I have a fantastic presentation on camera only because it is a discipline that I committed to learn.
Because I am naturally introverted, people generally suck the energy out of me and it is very hard for me to be around a lot of people for a long time.
Finding Ways to Recharge Away from People
So, what would happen if we are at family events and gatherings? My wife and I would be talking and chilling with people. And then, I would skedaddle into the other room. Either I take a nap, be on the computer, or just be by myself — alone — because of how overwhelming the environment would usually be for me.
But it is not like I would be at the party for five minutes and sneak out immediately. I do stay at the party, I talk with people for a few hours, and I do enjoy the time connecting with them. Of course I go to parties and do my best to talk with people — to be with people.
But then, it would just get to a point where I could not really take it anymore. So, I move outside or in a computer room or some place away from so many people. I figured out ways to remove myself from the party. Being with so many people for an extended time sucks the energy out of me and that is simply not what I would like.
I had to figure out a way where I would not be surrounded by too many people for too long — getting the energy sucked out of me the entire time! That is simply not what I would like.
People Grow Different Strengths and Weaknesses
My wife would notice my disappearance from the party not long after my exit. Then, she would look for me.
“What are you doing?”, she would ask whenever she finds me.
I would tell her, “I needed to get away.”
And this would cause an argument over and over again — for almost a decade! On the flip side, there were things she did that I did not like either.
There would be five days straight of get togethers or events and I would tell her, “What are you thinking? I do not like doing these things. Why are you always obligating us to go to these parties? It is sucking the life out of me.”
Sometimes it would be too much for me that I would also get upset at her and say some snarky comments.
Eventually, we learned that we are simply different people. She has her strengths and so do I. I have my needs and desires and so does she.
Everytime I forced her to be like me and do the things I like to do, it would lead to conflict. But through various means such as marriage counseling my wife and I learned how to successfully resolve our conflicts.
Differences Between People can Help You Grow More Powerful
We were at a family get together one day and this had been a while since we learned how to work with each other best through conflict resolution. Of course, I retreated to rest after a couple of hours into that family gathering.
It was this moment when someone asked my wife, “Where did Ito go?”
Someone noticed my wife’s grandfather left the party. As it turned out, Abuelito, just like me, went away to take a nap. Does that sound familiar? Abuelito went off to get away from everybody. My wife finally realized that her grandfather did the exact same thing that I did!
And then, it hit her, “…and I would jump on Dean about how he shouldn’t do the things I don’t like. My grandfather, who I respect so much and has such a huge influence on my life, does the exact same thing! And I didn’t even realize this!”
Finally, it really clicked for her that it was not a bad thing when the person you admire, or love, or are friends with did things differently. It was a matter of accepting those differences and how they can be of benefit to you — to make you more powerful.
Leverage Individual Strengths to Cover Each Others’ Weakness
As her grandfather was dying, we were able to get to him in a blink of an eye despite him being 5 hours away. We took a van and drove my wife down to her grandfather’s place — of course, I escorted her because that’s how we roll here.
Now that she’s with family, I rented a car so I can return here to our home — and I will use that same rental car to drive back down in a couple of days.
You might wonder why we were doing so much driving across a 5-hour distance. The reason is because she knows my needs and I know her needs.
I cannot be around so many people all the time. So, I drove her down, met with family, and took most of our kids to the Airbnb that we rented. I watched the kids and then we would return to the rest of the family to share meals and talk a little bit with Ito. But then, I’d leave again and my wife knows now that this is how I am.
We understand each other better right now and we can put each other in positions that benefit us in whatever situation we are currently in. For example, the kids get bored. Despite the fact that they love their Ito so much, there are just so many people that they don’t get the chance to really be with him.
My wife already knew and understood that I needed to escape — so she let me take most of the children with me to the Airbnb we were renting. The kids and I had a good time with the kids before returning to their grandfather’s place to visit again.
Grow More Powerful by Working Together
Through piggybacking off of both our strengths, I was able to effectively support my wife and her side of the family through this tough time. In the blink of an eye, even though I am away from her as of the moment, I will drive towards her and her family so I can be there if they need my help in any way.
We learned how to deal with each other and accept each other for the way we are. This lesson enabled my wife to use me to her advantage — to bless her family and make her life more powerful.
But what do I mean by “powerful”? Powerful means the ability to do something. The word “power” comes from the latin word, “potens” — to be able, the ability to do something. Now, I have become powerful too because I am creating content and making deals on the road. I was able to care for our animals at home and make sure that they were all taken care of.
All of these things were only possible because my wife learned to accept who I am and I learned to accept who she is. And then, we used our strengths and weaknesses to do things in ways that we would never have been able to do before.
Help People Grow by Nurturing Their Strengths
Why is this important? It is important because you have people in your life or in your business organization that you want to behave in a certain way. To be honest, I also have people in my business that I wish would be a certain way.
The more that I try to push a square peg into a round hole, the more that I am damaging the relationship and frustrating all parties involved. Instead, I could just see what this person is good at and put them in that right spot. The EOS Traction Method — Entrepreneurial Operating System — talks about “right person, right seat”. If a person is not at the right seat and doing the right thing, it is going to negatively affect your business in one way or another.
It’s going to frustrate the heck out of them.
So, who — in your organization or in your life — do you wish would be a certain way but they just refuse to. Perhaps it is time to reframe how you are accepting who they are. Maybe it is time for you to look harder and see what their strengths are and why they behave the way they do and how are other people the same? Be it people from history or people you admire, how are they in common? And ask yourself what you can do to let them enjoy being who they are.
Then, utilize your strengths to help them do things they are not able to do and, in turn, allow them to help you do things that you are not able to do.
I challenge you this week to look at your relationships with people and ask yourself, “What can I do to begin accepting these people for where they are right now?”
Ask yourself, “What does that acceptance mean to me? How can we utilize that acceptance to grow our relationship?”